Goth Rules for Dating my Daugther: A Blast from the Past

My daughter came to me yesterday looking for assistance on her class requests for high school.  Wow, has that much time passed already?  She’s doing exceptionally well, already taking “pre-AP” courses in middle school, other courses that count for high school credit, and just generally doing a phenomenal job.

But high school brings with it dating (not yet, but sooner than I’m likely to be ready for).  So, this “Blast from the Past”:

  1.  Goths embrace pain and suffering.  Hurt my daughter and I will embrace yours.
  2.  Tears are nothing to be ashamed of.  Make my daughter cry and I will demonstrate this by making you cry.
  3.  While black is always in fashion, pants hanging around your knees are not.  If you insist on this fashion faux-pas I will use my staple gun to give you a nice set of piercings to hold up your trousers.
  4.  I hang out in graveyards for fun.  Think about it.
  5.  Goths flirt with death all the time.  Touch my daughter inappropriately and I will flirt with yours.
  6.  I know every dark, secluded spot in the city where no one could hear someone scream in agony until their voice is gone.
  7.  Black doesn’t show bloodstains.
  8.  I have a fascination with psychopaths.  Some of my best friends are psychopaths.
  9.  Most of my best friends are psychopaths.
  10.  Aw, hell, all of my best friends are psychopaths.
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3 thoughts on “Goth Rules for Dating my Daugther: A Blast from the Past”

  1. I don’t have daughters, but I DO have a gaggle of younger sisters. They are all grown, and married, now. But, as a brother, I approve of this message.

    Also, I can confirm the usefulness of Shady Acquaintances, when dealing with the presence of unwanted boys.

    I have been known, in the past, to keep a 12 guage shotgun round, and a black Sharpee on hand. When one of my sisters brought some new idiot around, I’d use the Sharpee to write his name on the cartridge, in front of him, while saying something along the lines of, “I trust that you are a decent young man, with noble intent?”.

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