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Anyone reading this blog knows that I am a strong proponent of the Right to Keep and Bear Arms, among other things for the defense of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. In particular, when it comes to liberty, as, in the final extreme, as a defense against government tyranny. I have also written, with great vigor, in opposition of using violence in protests and how calling violence “protest” does not make it legal, even if the cause of that protest is just (and especially when it’s not).

Some might think that makes me a hypocrite. Well, that’s for others to judge, but hear me out here on my reasons to hold both views.

The first thing to consider is the purpose of protest. In general, the purpose of protest is to bring to light injustice (as those protesting see it) in order to sway public policy by creating a climate of opinion such that those in power will be encouraged to change their ways. This usually involves making people aware of the injustice, convincing them that it is and injustice, and making it important enough to them that it will affect their voting decisions (in places with representative government anyway) thus encouraging those in power to address and rectify the injustice. In Milton Friedman’s words, it creates a situation where it’s politically profitable for the wrong people to do the right things:

For that purpose, violence, leaving aside moral issues, is rarely helpful. If anything, it tends to harden opposition. Usually, these issues are those where the majority would agree if they were only aware of the scope, or even existence, of the problem.

One might ask, then, if peaceful protest is so much more effective than violent, what, then, is the point of supporting RKBA as a hedge against government tyranny. To answer that, one has to look to more serious cases, cases where the entire system is corrupt, where there is no way to peacefully protest and get the message heard. Censorship (whether by government or by monopolisitic or near-monopolistic information distribution channels). Being deliberately misconstrued and lied about in the media. Or a government that simply is not responsive to popular will or does not respect the rights of individuals. Those are the kinds of things that can render peaceful protest moot.

But, here’s the point. When you cross the line from “peaceful protest” to “using violence” you are no longer engaging in protest, per se. Individually, you are engaging in violent crime. If it goes on enough, you are waging war against the government and nation. You may consider the government illegitimate. It may, in fact, be illegitimate, but even so what you’re doing is waging war. Put another way, once you become violent, you are no longer protesting, but rebelling.

And you can expect to be treated as doing so.

In protest, a peaceful protest, you can generally expect to go home at the end and, barring actual injustice (which will only underscore your cause) you can expect not to be arrested and imprisoned for your peaceful protest. If you are, well, that just proves your point and everyone seeing it can recognize that. You can go on basically living your life as normal until the next protest in which you participate.

If your protest was actually peaceful.

If it was not peaceful however you are now an actual criminal. You might be a traitor (as the government and its supporters, however legitimate or illegitimate they may be). You cannot then expect to just go back to your life. This will follow you until you either win, are captured, tried, and punished, or if you’re lucky until you’re forgotten.

Or, maybe you’ll be lucky. Maybe you’ll actually be useful to those in power for their particular political purposes and they’ll let you go unmolested because it suits them. But beware. That only lasts so long as you are politically useful to them. And it tends to have the opposite reaction of the goal of protest given above: it tends to harden opinions against you. Oh, people might voice agreement with you but it’s fear, or at least prudence, talking. They are saying what they hope will prevent them from being attacked. But their minds aren’t changed, not in your favor anyway, and once the threat goes away they go right back to opposition to your views.

Violence, then, is really only justified when there is no other recourse, when speech is shut down, when public opinion no longer matters, when elections are decided, as alluded to by Stalin, not by those who vote, but by those who count the votes. And when you cross that line, it’s not an issue of “protest and go home” but it’s war. Don’t kid yourself that it’s anything else. The war might be justified, but it remains a war and you are an enemy combatant to the powers that be. They might just treat you as a criminal if they don’t want to acknowledge the war. Or they may go ahead and acknowledge the war and brand you a traitor. In either case, you are pledging “your life, your fortune, and your sacred honor” to that cause.

If you aren’t ready to do that, then keep your protest peaceful, and stay far away from those who do not.

The technique of the day is the Forward Inside Three-Turn. Last week, my instructor introduced me to it but we didn’t really get time to work on it. And I haven’t had a lot of ice time since then, what with one thing or another. Today I got some video of my attempts. It’s not exactly my first attempts but pretty close.

As you can see it’s awkward and rather hit or miss (and rather more miss than hit). Still, it’s better than my outside three-turn was at the equivalent point in my training. And, like with my outside thee-turn (and pretty much everything) I’m better with my left foot than my right.

In class a few hours after this practice session I went over it with my instructor. (First let me note that she acknowledged that my outside three turn was good enough to pass Adult 5. It needs to get better, but for now it’s one more thing I can check off for Adult 5.)

One point she corrected was my foot position. I had been holding my free foot alongside the gliding foot as I had been doing for my outside three turn. She recommended holding it behind my gliding foot, even a bit outside, in a “T” position. This would help get the hip around for the turn. Her second recommendation is a perennial problem. I need to keep my head and eyes up. I have the bad habit of looking down at where I’m trying to skate, to see the curve I’m trying to follow. That’s probably a contributing factor to that forward lean. Finally, she suggested “a little more gas.” It’s easier to do the turn if you have a bit more momentum to carry you through it.

After three turns she asked if I had learned Mohawks. Yes…sort of. She had me show it and, apparently good enough for now because she called a “ten step sequence”. I’m not sure how the “steps” are counted, but it’s two forward crossovers, a forward inside Mohawk, a step behind (stepping and crossing behind the gliding foot, then uncrossing the front foot, then a back crossover, then a “step out” to forward inside edge (a backward inside Mohawk). This is not, actually, too different from what I do as part of my warmup when I skate. It adds that “cross behind”, which I hadn’t done before. It’s also a technique for the Pre-Free-Skate level of skating training. It’s supposed to look something like this:

Let’s just say it will need work. But it does let me practice a number of techniques that I need to improve quickly during the early part of my skating workouts so I can focus on others during the technique practicing segments.

Finally, we worked a bit on my two-foot spin, the last of the techniques I need to complete Adult 5. I might have done three rotations, the standard for passing for Adult 5, but I’m not sure. One of the challenges of spinning on ice is it’s a very sensory-overload situation. You’ve got the rink whirling around you, creating confusing visuals. Your inner ear is getting confused balance signals. Your weight is shifting, and you’re trying to adjust to stay upright. All of that is happening too fast to consciously process so you have to do it enough that it can all be handled at an unconscious level. And while you’re trying to grasp all that, a little thing like keeping track of how many times some reference point has passed your field of view (once per rotation), can kind of get lost.

She worked me a bit on foot position. I’d had my feet too close together. Another was instead of thinking of pulling my legs in, think of instead rising up. I had my weight too far forward on the blades, thus digging the toe picks. And I was pulling my arms in too quickly.

Yeah, that’s a lot to think about. But being aware of them, thinking of one or two at a time when working on the spin, and eventually they’ll start clicking and the spin will finally start coming together.

The last thing we touched on was a moving entry into the spin. She thought it would help as it would give me more rotation to start with in comparison to my standing start with only a half circle pump to get up momentum. However, “touched on” was all it was. She just had time to show me the entry before we ran out of class time. This is something to work more on next time. However, Coach Julia on YouTube has a tutorial on how to do is:

Still got a long way to go but…progress.

One thing I have argued in the past, long and hard, is that one thing the Republic cannot survive is the use of lawfare to “punish” political opposition, or even the appearance of doing so That’s not original with me. I got it originally from the late Jerry Pournelle (and I expect it wasn’t original with him). That’s why Ford pardoning Nixon was the right thing to do even if we were to grant him being guilty of everything he was accused of (and let’s just say I’m more than a little dubious about that). That’s why I argued to let it go when Clinton left the White House, and again when Obama left–they were out of office. Better for the nation to let it go than to give even the appearance of political reprisal through the courts.

You see, one of the cornerstones of the Republic is the peaceful transition of power from one Congress to another, from one Administration to another, from one Party to another. But allow even the appearance that those losing power will be punished by law and that goes away. The party in power then cannot afford to lose power and will, therefore, do anything they must to retain it. After all, if people think that “criminally punish your predecessors” is on the table, they can expect that to be turned around against them should they be the ones losing power.

If any of the current rhetoric goes beyond rhetoric, those in power are saying, quite clearly, that they consider such reprisals on the table and that the tables will be turned on them should they be the ones losing power in some future election.

They have to know this. So that leads to the question of why are they willing to take that risk?

I submit that they don’t see it as a risk. They know what would happen should they lose, but they don’t plan on ever losing. They’ll do whatever it takes to retain power. Just like they did whatever it took to gain it.

In which case, the political reprisals aren’t the herald of the death of the Republic.

They are its obituary.

From my friend Larry Correia, who, among other things, is a former accountant and auditor and knows something about “red flags” and audits:

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I’m seeing lots of outrage this morning because Trump called the GA SoS and told him to do his job and find fraudulent votes. So there’s a great deal of pearl clutching about what an outrageous threat to democracy this is, so on and so forth. Only this post isn’t about Trump being a dick or not. Trump being a dick does not mean fraud didn’t happen. Do not let your personal like/dislike of Trump determine if something else actually happened. If a crime was committed against someone you like/dislike, that doesn’t determine whether the crime happened or not. Set aside your feelings about the subject and look at the data.

Specifically, in the call the SoS said it was impossible to find that many fraudulent votes, and as an example he specifically named Matt Braynard, and said that Braynard claimed 5k dead people voted, but GA only found two. However on that the SoS is either lying or an idiot, because that was not in Braynard’s report (I’ve shared the link here before). Braynard is the Voter Integrity guy who used to work for Frank Luntz, who did all the phone sampling.

In reality, Matt Braynard specifically said he DID NOT find evidence of dead people voting in GA. However, IIRC he found over double the number of fraudulent votes Trump was claiming off of people who voted with obviously fake addresses (including UPS stores and PO Boxes with the box number being disguised as “apt”) and verifiable things like people who no longer lived in GA who could be documented as having moved, still voting in GA (and when he called them, them saying they did not vote in GA, yet someone still cast a ballot in their name there). Braynard documented all of these people and delivered his data to the authorities in GA. He has the receipt of having delivered this to them.

So you have verifiable, auditable data indicating fraud, in numbers far greater than the margin of victory. This information was gathered by a private citizen (while the actual government investigators did placebo recounts or meaningless spot checks in places not in question) and this private citizen has made his data available to the government to be checked for accuracy.

Yet, when pressed about this auditable data, the person in charge of investigating it either lied to the president, or was totally unaware of what was actually in the report. Either possibility is damning. The report was not about dead people voting in GA, in fact the report specifically said they had found no evidence of that in GA in any statistically significant amount. Braynard talked about that during the summary video and then pressed on into the statistically significant data which could be tracked down instead.

So people can get all butt hurt this morning about how uncouth it is for Trump to angry call a secretary of state to tell him to do his damned job all they want. However, that doesn’t change the fact the SoS hasn’t done his job.

From an auditing perspective, the information Braynard gathered is something that could be investigated, quantified, and verified by state investigators. Instead, the SoS says there’s nothing there, because there’s no evidence of something entirely different.

That’s asinine. That’s like calling the cops and saying I’ve got video of this guy committing a burglary, you should check that out. And them saying, naw, it’s all good, because the building didn’t burn down there was no arson. Well no shit, sherlock, I’m calling about a burglary.

But don’t worry, once again our watchdog media will make sure to focus on how Orangeman is uncouth, rather than the parts with the crime.

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In addition to being a former auditor, subject matter expert on all things firearms, and other things, Larry is an excellent writer. You might check out his Grimnoir series that starts with the book Hard Magic:

Spoke to my instructor after class about possible future competition. The purpose was twofold. First was a sanity check. Is this something I can do with a reasonable expectation of some success at it. (Not talking national championship or Olympics of course, but maybe a few trophies I can show off and maybe even a trip to nationals in my age group just to be there). The word was “yes, that’s not beyond the pale.” The second part was to make my instructor aware that competition was a goal so we could keep that in mind while doing my training and keep me pointed in the right direction.

Class was…a rather bad day for me. Well, it happens. You can’t be at your best every time you get on the ice (more on that in a moment). Still, I did the forward outside three-turns well enough that the instructor started me on forward inside three-turns, a more difficult challenge (one I need for Adult 6). I didn’t actually do any inside three turns. This was near the end of class and the exercise was simply to do forward inside edges on a fairly small circle. And I did say I was having a bad day and…yeah. Normally I can do half circle inside edges with no problem but today…I just kept blowing them. Oh, well, work on the practice sessions for next time.

One of the things I found out is that in competition you have to test for various levels which determine which competitions you are permitted to enter. The starting point for adults is “Pre-Bronze.” There are two tests. One is for figure skating skills and you have to demonstrate:

Jumps: Two different jumps,
either one-half or one full revolution Spins:

• A one-foot upright spin (minimum three revolutions in position)

• A two-foot upright spin (minimum three revolutions in position)

Steps:

1. Forward and backward crossovers (either direction)
2. Lunge or spiral

Of those I can do the crossovers and the lunge. The first jumps one learns with rotation is the Waltz Jump (a half rotation jump, take off going forward and land going backward):

The half flip jump:

And the toe loop:

For spins, well, I’m working on the two-foot spin. I’ve gotten a little better than I was here. (Note, that a lot of the intervening month since I posted this, I was in quarantine with COVID, so not as much progress as I might have had):

In addition to those, there’s a “moves in the field” test that’s basically how you can move around the ice and do the various steps, turns, and what not that tie the various elements together. (In competition you’ll see “step sequence” and “choreo sequence” as a scored element for this kind of thing.) That includes:

1. Forward Perimeter Stroking. (Basically skating around the perimeter of the rink with good form).
2. Basic Consecutive Edges (the inside and outside edges that I’ve talked about before.)
3. Forward and backward crossovers (this, at least, I’ve got pretty much down).
4. Waltz Eight. Now this one’s a problem. It’s supposed to look something like this:

That one, I’m well short of, I’m afraid. But…we’ll get there.

Finally, (this would be item “5” but apparently I can’t set a start number other than “1” for an ordered list). There’s forward right and left foot “spirals”. That’s the ballet move of an Arabesque, only done on the ice. Like this:

That requires flexibility that is a…challenge for me right now but, again, working on it.

So, I’ve got a lot of work ahead of me but…it doesn’t look impossible.

I’ve been thinking a bit about growing older and…well, one of the things that came to mind is this song that was one of my favorites when I was…much younger:

It came to mind and I looked it up (thus the link there) and…it resonates to a certain effect.

I have seen a lot of sunshine. I have slept out in the rain. And I’ve spent more than a time or two all on my own. And, oh, have I had myself some friends.

However, much of it is…difficult. Looking back, well, no, it hasn’t been “a good life all-in-all.” It’s been one of frustration and a lifetime struggle with depression. And loneliness, soul-crushing loneliness for most of my life.

There is no “my old lady”. (Thought, hoped, there might be for a while but…that didn’t work out.) While I have a few good friends, they are generally scattered to the four corners of the earth. So rare is the opportunity to “sit around the fire and watch the evening tire.”

The days, they do pass quickly now. And while I don’t exactly smile, the idea of growing old doesn’t bother my like it once did. And, yes, there are still many things to do. Some of the things I’ve wanted to do since childhood will almost certainly never happen. No, I’m not going to get a chance to dance across the mountains on the moon (dammit). But I might sail away. The local reservoir gives sailing lessons and “away” might be out from shore a bit and around the lake, but, you know, I don’t have to brave the open ocean to get pleasure in sailing.

I did raise a family, if a small one. That little girl (she’s sixteen, but as most parents will know, she’ll always be my little girl) is perhaps the one thing that makes it all worthwhile. That, right there, is key, the one thing that overshadows everything else. And while I’d dearly love to have more, and I do think I have it in me to raise another child, it takes two, ya know and…here we are.

Still, there’s much to do that I never even dreamed of when I was younger. It’s been just under two years since I started ice skating seriously. (See my “Goth on Ice” posts.) Recently, I started watching videos of the 2019 world championships on YouTube and that got me curious. I looked at adult competition and found that “free skate” is divided into several age brackets. I would be in “Class IV, 56-65”. So I looked for that and there was this guy:

And this lady:

I can’t do everything those folk did there…yet…but I do not think it’s out of reach. Perhaps I’ll never be a significant competitor even in my own age bracket. Or perhaps with training and dedication, I can. None of the techniques either of those skaters did look impossible for me to learn, even with my own aging body.

And so I have a new goal, another thing my mind has never known.

Ingredients:

• 1 cup butter, softened (room temperature)
• 4 large eggs
• 1 Tbsp vanilla extract
• 1/2 cup Methylcellulose fiber powder
• 1/4 cup psyllium husk fiber
• 2 cups sugar equivalent sweetener
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 1 8 oz package Hershey’s sugar free chocolate chips

Add the butter, eggs, and vanilla to a food processor. Mix on low until well blended.

Add the next four ingredients to the food processor. Again mix on low until well blended.

Add the chocolate chips. Pulse to mix the chips into the dough.

Transfer the dough to bowl and refrigerate for at least 1 hour. Overnight is best.

Preheat your oven to 350 F.

Line a cookie sheet with parchment paper. Take the refrigerated cookie dough. Scoop out and roll into balls to flatten into 3″ cookies (about 15). Bake at 350 F for about 15 minutes.

Remove from the oven and allow to cool. The result is big, chewy, delicious cookies.

Each cookie has 18.5 g fat, 2.5 g protein, 1.5 g net carbs.

My quarantine ended yesterday. So, today I went back to Ice Skating class. I didn’t try to do either the Saturday evening or the Sunday afternoon public skate sessions. I figured with two weeks of missing practices and being right on the heels of being sick, it was better to take it easy and ease into it.

The nature of things was such that I didn’t capture any video this time. Maybe next time.

I started with the half hour practice session before class. I worked on a couple of things in there. First, I tried a few two-foot spins. I worked on drawing my arms in more smoothly rather than jerking them in as soon as I finish the “pump” to create rotation. I can’t say how well that worked but I got a turn or two out of the spins. Stumbled and fell once.

I also worked on my consecutive outside edges and consecutive inside edges. I was quite surprised how well those went. I think the issue was that my blades had been getting dull before and that was causing some of my problems. There’s the old saying that “it’s a poor carpenter who blames his tools” but the tools do matter and good, or bad, blade condition can make a difference.

Forward outside swing rolls. Those went rather well as well.

The next thing I tried was a technique that was just introduced in the last class before I was quarantined: Forward changes of edge on a line. In this technique you start on a forward outside edge, do a half circle, then switch to a forward inside edge for another half circle, making an “S” curve on the ice. I haven’t found any good videos of just the forward change of edge on a line but it’s a lead-in technique to forward power pulls, which are shown here:

In the class before quarantine, I was able to complete the first half circle, make the edge change, then go a couple of feet (max) before losing control of it. Today, I was able to complete the full “S”. Again, I think the freshly sharpened skates made the difference.

I then did some practice on the Swing Rolls, and, again surprised myself by how well those went. Those are much like consecutive forward edges except you keep your upper body and arms facing the same direction and you use a more graceful swing of the leg that’s not on the ice from back to front.

Most of the rest of the practice time I just did simple skating around, practicing one foot glides and forward edges–inside and outside in both directions.

Class was the last one of the eight week block and we were doing “progress reports. We covered a lot of stuff with my instructor judging where I was on each of the requisite skills at the levels I’m training at.

Here’s the result:

Adult 5

• Backward outside edge on circle, R and L (Basic 5) √
• Backward inside edge on a circle, R and L (Basic 5) √
• Backward crossovers, clockwise and counterclockwise (Basic 5) √+
• Forward outside three-turn, R and L (Basic 5)
• Forward swing rolls to a count of six (Not included in “Basic”) √
• Beginning two-foot spin (Basic 4)

Adult 6

• Forward stroking with crossover end patterns (Not included in Basic) √
• Backward stroking with crossover end patterns (Backward stroking is Basic 6, the “crossover end patterns” is not included)
• Forward inside three-turn, R and L (Basic 6)
• Forward outside to inside change of edge on a line, R and L (Not included in Basic) [Ed: I had originally marked this as “done” but that was a mistake. Although I did well during the practice session, the instructor didn’t actually check me on this. On ice practice after this tells me that first practice session was a fluke. I’m having real trouble with this.]
• T-stop, R or L (Basic 6) R+ L
• Lunge (Basic 4) √
• Two-foot spin into one-foot spin (Basic 6)

I’ve marked in bold everything I’ve actually passed. Note, I probably could pass the Outside three-turn, I just didn’t feel up to trying it coming right off illness as I was. The instructor used a “+” to mark things she thought I was doing well above the requisite level for where I’m at.

I am within a hair’s breadth of finishing out Adult 5. If I’m not quite there yet (after accounting for recovery from illness) on the two-foot spin and the forward outside three-turn, I’m close.

For adult 6, I need to work more on backward stroking and that’s mostly a practice thing. The problem there is the amount of traffic during public skating times. I worry about running into people when trying to skate backward when there are lots of people on the ice. And that will leave me just the one foot spin and the forward inside three turn to finish it out.

Can I do that in the next eight week session? I’m sure going to try.

Well, it happened. I contracted Winnie the Flu. This is my experience with it.

Day 1

Late in the afternoon I had some chest congestion and coughing. Rather mild. I just thought it was my allergies acting up (and I’m allergic to a lot of stuff–of the 35 thing the allergist tested me for, I was allergic to 26 of them). Went home after work and took some decongestant and checked my temperature: 97.5 F (typical for me)

Day 2

Woke up with the same congestion and coughing. Checked temperature. Typical again, about 97.3 F. The cough and congestion was a bit worse than it was before and my morning antihistamine (Cetirizine) didn’t seem to change the result. I texted my boss, describing the systems and asked him how he wanted me to proceed.

I need to explain the issue with my boss a bit. His brother in law is also our sales/marketing guy. And that brother in law, who works from home, is also the primary caregiver for his 80+ year old father. The close connection to someone who is particularly at risk is why my boss tends to be extra careful about infection.

My boss said to get tested, get a negative result before returning to work. I agreed. I checked local places that do testing and was able to find a CVS “Minute Clinic” that did the “rapid result” testing, but I would have to wait two days. That would still get me faster results than the lab testing that I might get sooner.

Day 3

I was actually feeling better this day. The cough was largely gone. I figured that it was probably a false alarm and I’d sail through the testing with flying colors.

Day 4

Started the day feeling about the same as Day 3. Went and did the test. About an hour later I got the results back: Positive for infection with Winnie the Flu. I still wasn’t feeling bad but reported the result back to my boss: 14 day quarantine.

Later that evening, the coughing got pretty bad. It was a “productive” cough, bringing up a lot of phlegm. I started taking an expectorant in addition to my other medications. The coughing irritated my throat making it rather sore.

Still no fever although temperature just slightly elevated over “normal” for me: about 98.9 F.

Day 5

More coughing up phlegm and more throat irritation. My throat hurt. I mean it really hurt. I spent much of the day in bed. Again, no fever. My temperature was back down to my normal 97.5 F.

Day 6

The throat pain and coughing peaked here. I was truly miserable. Again, spent most of the day in bed. Food supplies were running low so I had to go to the store. Used “curbside pickup” and barely cracked the window, while also wearing a mask, to tell the person bringing out the groceries to put them in the trunk. Remote release of the trunk from inside the car so I could do my shopping without breaking quarantine.

I love living in the 21st century.

Temperature was, again, was a normal 97.5 F.

Day 7

The coughing eased up quite a bit. The throat pain receded quite a bit although it was still sore. Temperature 97.3 F.

Day 8

Coughing eased up still further. The throat pain was almost entirely gone. We were back down to what I would expect as normal from my allergies. Temperature 97.5 F.

Days 9-13

Much the same over this. Maybe a slight decrease in the coughing but, if so, it happened slowly enough that it was hard to say for sure. No more throat pain. Temperature ranged from 97.3 to 97.7 F (again, typical range for me).

Day 14

Although it had been only 12 days since I got the test results back, it was 14 since I first had symptoms. All the Minute Clinics with rapid response near me were full up for this and the next two days. I went into my PCP for a test. It’s a lab test with “3-5 day” response times. Best I could do.

My “symptoms” were still consistent with my normal allergies and temperature was 97.5 F again.

Day 15

No change.

Day 16

Got the results back from my PPC. Unfortunately, I was still positive. They recommended an additional 7 days of quarantine. I checked the CVS Minute Clinics and found that they had a slot open in two days.

Temperature 97.3 F.

Day 17

No change. Temperature 97.3 F.

Day 18

Test appointment at Minute Clinic. I measured my temperature at 97.5 F. They measured it at 97.9 F. Got the results very fast. They literally called me before I finished the drive home. (Don’t worry: hands free speaker phone.) Negative. I was now COVID free.

And that was my experience with catching and surviving Winnie the Flu.

I’ve been quarantined (thank you Winnie the Flu) for the last two weeks and that got me thinking.

I am an introvert…I think. However, I’ve been doing those “My Life” posts and that got me wondering about something. How much is being an introvert an innate characteristic and how much is learned behavior. Allow me to explain.

I have not been diagnosed as being Autism Spectrum. I suspect I am, but have never been formally diagnosed. At this point in my life, I don’t see that there would be any value to a formal diagnosis. However, whether I’m on the spectrum or not, one characteristic typical of autistics I do have, and that’s difficulty/inability to recognizing and responding appropriately to social cues. The hints and “tells” that guide neurotypical people in their interactions with each other are a complete mystery to me. This is a problem both in recognizing the cues in others and giving off cues to others. As one example, I have no idea where the line is between “playful flirtation” and “being creepy.” (Now, I know folk who don’t get that difference and consistently come across as creepers–maybe; it’s possible they really are creepers and are just using “autism” as an excuse. However, I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt since I have the same problem although my reaction is usually to just not do either since I have difficulty telling them apart.)

So, take a young person with difficulties with social cues and what happens? They misread cues and mispresent them all. the. time. When they misread cues, they respond inappropriately. And kids, being kids, can be savage in their “punishment” of misread cues.

When the young person mispresents cues, they evoke responses quite different from what they were hoping for. Sure, even folk who are good at social cues frequently don’t get the response they want but they have several advantages. One is that they recognize that things aren’t going as hoped early–reading the cues the others are sending in response–and can “abort” before things get out of hand. Other times, they do get the response they were hoping for. For the person who doesn’t get social cues it never works out because even if the person were responsive to the message they think they’re sending, they’re not actually sending that message.

This combination ends up making social interaction almost universally a negative experience. A person who might enjoy and thrive on social interaction if they just understood the rules well enough to have internalized them (i.e. if they were “neurotypical”) learns instead that social interaction is a chore and downright painful. Thus you get anxiety any time they are forced into social situations because they are minefields where any step they take can blow up in their faces.

The person can be miserable being alone but still avoids others because the anxiety and the near inevitable disasters that social interaction creates for them is worse. Alone is safe. It may not be “good”, but it is “safe.”

Now, don’t get me wrong. There are certainly people that thrive in “alone time.” These are the natural introverts. But I do wonder how many people identify as introverts who aren’t actually introverts. It’s just their difficulties dealing with the vast majority of people create sufficient anxiety such that “alone” is better.

So, as I have been sitting here going slowly stir-crazy in enforced isolation, denied even my few “safe” social interactions (skating class and, yes, work) and have to wonder, am I really as introverted as I’ve always thought I was or is that just inability to get social cues, leading to social anxiety serving the same function?