So this showed up in my feed:
In a similar vein, Robert Heinlein put in the mouth of one of his character: “A man wants a mother of his children. He wants a willing and available concubine too. If you are not she, he will seek one elsewhere.”
Now, those statements aren’t universally true, but there is nevertheless a lot of truth to them. But, there are a few points to remember.
The most important thing to remember is whether or not the man in question is a man of integrity. Yes, if he’s unhappy in his relationship then he’s got a strong incentive to “look elsewhere.” This, however, does not provide an excuse for “cheating”. There are different ways one might “look elsewhere.” It’s a dishonest man of low moral character who will decide that he’s unhappy with his current partner and then go looking for affairs, for “side pieces.” That’s dishonest. That’s dishonorable. “Hungry and horny” does not make cheating excusable. It simply is not a valid excuse.
A man of integrity, if he’s unhappy with his partner will first bring his concerns to his partner. He will attempt to come to a mutually satisfactory resolution of the issue with his partner. Perhaps she also has something she’s unhappy about and they can work it out between them. Maybe, in more difficult cases, they can go to a third party for counseling to help resolve the difficulties.
If, however, the problem cannot be resolved, the man has two choices. He can decide that the problem is one he can live with. That things are good enough elsewhere that he can accept this area of less than perfect satisfaction chalking it up to the fact that we live in an imperfect world. That’s one possibility.
The other possibility is that the problem is one the man just cannot live with. He’s not going to have a satisfying relationship with this individual without resolution of this problem. And if resolution of the problem is not possible then he still doesn’t have a valid excuse to cheat.
In such a case, the man of integrity will end. the. relationship. with the current partner before seeking a new relationship where he can attempt to have those needs and desires met. This is better all around. While both the man and his original partner will, no doubt, be hurt in the process, at least they are not deceived. They know where they stand. And the man doesn’t have to hide his new relationships. He doesn’t have to worry about others finding out about it. He can be open and up front about it.
Better for everybody.
And, yes, all of this works the other way too. I simply looked at it from a male perspective because, well, that’s my own perspective.
So if you truly find yourself in a relationship that does not suit your needs and you simply must have those needs fulfilled elsewhere, then break off the current relationship cleanly before seeking another.
It’s the honorable thing to do.