What is “Sexy”

I’m going to be talking about my own idiosynchrosies here.  But feel free to give different views in the comments (although keep it reasonably clean).

A couple of days ago, this picture was shared where I saw it on FaceBook (and which I shared):

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For those who don’t “get it” the “What I find sexy” is good “trigger control”.  It comes from Col. Jeff Cooper’s four rules for safe gun handling:

  1. Treat every gun with the respect due a loaded gun.
  2. Never point a gun at anything you are not willing to destroy.
  3. Keep your finger off the trigger until you are on target and ready to shoot.
  4. Be sure of your target and what’s behind it.

Almost all gun accidents could be avoided by simply following those four rules every time you handle a firearm.  The thing is that actors and models when handling firearms either on screen or in front of the camera are all the time breaking those rules.  So, a posed picture with the model with her finger ostentatiously not on the trigger is something of a surprise.

A lot of my friends have a strong interest in guns so this inspired some discussion.  A few went “the butt”.  And some went “why not both”.

The discussion got me to thinking, and talking a bit, about what is “sexy” to me.  And this is going to get kind of personal but some candid talk may be of benefit to some other writers out there.

There are two aspects.  One is the “titillation” aspect.  The other is the aesthetic.

For the aesthetic, I’m just not that impressed by the amount of skin exposed or exposing “taboo” areas.  It’s too easy.  Okay, the girl in the picture up there has a bare butt.  So?  The Internet is full of bare butts.  I can see all the bare butts I ever want at no more cost than a few mouse clicks.

Not that I have anything against bare butts, but with all of those out there for all the world to see, they just aren’t anything special to me.  And yes, that applies to breasts and other body parts as well.

This is not to say that a good artist, using pose, framing, light, focus etc. can’t make some truly beautiful art featuring partially or fully nude figures, but that’s not just a matter of bare skin but of creating an overall image of which bare skin is only a part.

For the most part, though, when it comes to a “sexy” aesthetic (beyond pure titillation which I’ll discuss below), I find well crafted and presented fashion to be much more alluring.  Take, for instance this:

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Very little exposed skin and yet I find that one hot picture.  Some might note the tight pants and claim that it’s the next thing to nude but, well, there’s this:

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Again, for me very alluring.  Very sexy.

Then there’s the titilation aspect of “sexy”.  For me it can be complicated.  Allow me to make a bit of an analogy.

Some years back, my daughter was wont to point out Miatas when we were out driving.  I own a Miata and used to drive autocross and they were uncommon enough that she found it interesting to spot them. (She was young.)  When the Miatas were in various colors I would tell her that white Miatas were better.  (Mine is white.) Eventually she asked me why and I said that a car I can drive (like mine) is better than one that I can’t (someone else’s).  I was making the “bird in the hand” point to her but the idea goes beyond that.

Now, this doesn’t mean that the woman I sleep with (my incredibly hot wife–yes, you can envy me the hotness of my wife.  How do I know she’s hot?  I’ve had straight women tell me “Your wife is hot!”) is the only person I find sexy just that…well, you can figure it out.

The big difference between “sexy” and “cars” is that it’s not actually “driving” that’s the issue but rather whether I can “sustain the fantasy.” And that’s where my own interests are rather idiosyncratic (no, not that way you pervert).

Allow me another analogy.  When it comes to things that look approximately like people, there’s a hypothesis that the closer they get to looking like a real person the more attractive they are–to a point.  Then, at a certain point, they start looking weird and evoke feelings of repulsion or disgust, which continues as they get closer to looking like a real person.  Then, as it gets even closer it starts looking attractive again.

For me, the ability to sustain the fantasy is like that.  It’s why strippers never really did much for me.  It’s too “close” to sustain the fantasy.  I own a mirror and I know what my bank balance is.  I am neither buff nor particularly good looking (I don’t stop clocks, I’m no great shakes either), nor wealthy, nor powerful, nor famous.  Nor am I particularly good at social interaction. (Ya think?) There is simply no way that one of those women up on that stage is going to end up in my bed even if I wanted them there (and mostly I don’t) and that knowledge is enough to break the fantasy.  Put a little bit more distance, a little bit less reality and that allows me to sustain the fantasy.

Individually either of those, the aesthetic and the titillation can be a pleasant diversion.  Combine them, however, and you can create something powerful indeed.  And add in the third element of someone you’re actually involved with and….

In any case, it takes a lot more than a bare butt to do that.

 

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