Over on FaceBook, these “sponsored links” keep showing up in my feed. Mostly I ignored them, as one does with most advertising. But after a while, I started having a little fun with them. Some of these are poking fun at the link. Some are self-deprecation. They’re all in good fun. Hope you enjoy them:
Sponsored link: “What would your job be in the Roman Empire”.
Um, statistically it would most likely either be “peasant” or “slave”.
Sponsored link: “A quickfire 100 question personality test to find out who you really are.”
I’m going to go with “someone who doesn’t look for online personality tests to find out who I am–at most they’re entertainment, nothing more.”
Sponsored link: “These teachers were secretly paparazzied by their students.”
Yeah, those poses sure look like they were candid shots taken in the middle of class.
Sponsored link: “We know how old you are by how many life skills you have (answer should be exact ages)”.
No you don’t.
Sponsored link: Men get real about breast size.
Like that old saying goes, A-cup in the hand is better than a picture of a bush or something like that.
Sponsored Link: “How much do you remember about 70’s pop culture.”
Well, I’d managed to purge that horror but you had to bring it back.
Sponsored Link: “Can we guess how old you were when you first got high?”
Well, you can guess.
Sponsored Link: “Where do you fall on the scale from vanilla to kinky?”
Uh, where does “willing to learn” fall on that scale?
Sponsored link “42 devious facts about espionage.”
Oh, please. I could tell you but then I’d have to…
Sponsored link: “Can we guess the last time you got laid?” (Is it just me or are these things getting more and more ridiculous?)
No. You can’t.
Sponsored link (pretending to be liked by some of my friends): “Studies have proven that women all around the world tend to fall in love with a certain type of man.”
I’m going to go with “almost, but not quite, exactly unlike me.”
Sponsored link: “What type of girl do you repel.”
I’m going to have to go out on a limb and say “breathing”.
Sponsored link: “What type of girl do you find most attractive.”
Uh, “breathing” ranks high on the list. (See: works the other way too.)
Sponsored link for a Facebook group “Heathen firearm enthusiasts.”
Trying to figure out how that shouldn’t just map to “Heathens.” (What with that whole “die in battle” and “Preparing for Ragnarok” thing.)
Sponsored link: “Brides give advice on how they got over their cold feet.” Small text “I was too sore to be nervous.”
Do I want to click? A deep and disturbed part of me says “yes” but I think I’ll pass.
Sponsored link: “What kind of viking would you have been.”
Given the assorted issues that I have, from being nearly blind without glasses to various allergies to not being anything like a “prime” physical specimen, probably a dead one.
Sponsored link: 25+ books everyone starts bit no one finishes.
Okay, this one I clicked. Every one I started, I finished.
Sponsored link: “502 bad gateway”
Yeah, I’m not going to bother clicking on that. 😉
Sponsored link: “Date or Dump these pop stars and we’ll guess how desperate you are.”
Don’t need to take the quiz. Pretty damn desperate.
Sponsored link: “She was voted as the most beautiful celebrity you’ve never heard of.”
Um. “Celebrity” “You keep using that word…”
Sponsored link: “17 confessions from couples who are engaged with no plans to be married.”
Um, “engaged” “You keep using that word…”
Sponsored link: “Girls confess: Guys, I’m not your booty call.”
Here’s a hint: if you’re putting out easily enough that he thinks you’re his booty call, you are.
Sponsored link: “Men and women tell why they won’t date a virgin.”
Um, I wouldn’t say I wouldn’t, but if I were with someone old enough not to be really creepy, and they were a virgin, I’d probably want to know why.
Sponsored link. “Amazing things couples do to turn each other on.”
So, saying “Ya wanna?” 😉
Sponsored link: “Dear Prudie: My partner wants to fix our relationship, but I want to end it. Will it be easier if I admitted that I cheated? Help!”
Yes, demonstrating to the person of integrity that has the great misfortune to be committed to you that you are an oathbreaking slut might convince he or she that you aren’t worth spitting on if you were on fire.
And I mean that in the nicest possible way.
Sponsored link on things wedding guests do that brides hate.
Yes, banging the groom is on the list.
Sponsored links: “15 confessions from sugar babies.”
Sugar Babies? That’s a cute name for “whore”.
Sponsored link: “20 steamiest pictures of Game of Thrones stars”.
Um, never mind the fact that these things are rarely all that “steamy” in the first place, considering that a number of the cast members of Game of Thrones come out of a porn background I’m sure they could do a lot better on that score.
Sponsored links: Quiz “What is your redneck name?”
Um, I’m gonna go with “David.” 😉
Sponsored link: “15 images X doesn’t want you to see” the number and who the “X” is changes.
Okay. I’ll respect that and not click on the link.
Sponsored link: 9 best nude beaches.
I will be avoiding all of them.
Sponsored link: The 31 most terrifying images on the Internet that you wish you never saw.
And by not clicking on that link, my wish can be granted. See how that works?
Sponsored link is “how to become a first time author.”
Awesome! Someone has a time machine?
And that’s all I’ve got for now. Hope you enjoyed them.