This whole Brett Kavanaugh thing is getting out of hand. It was pretty clear from the start the “sexual assault” allegation was merely a delaying tactic, an attempt to “run out the clock” until a hoped for “Blue Wave” in November gives the Democrats a majority in the Senate, allowing them to continue blocking any additional Trump nominations until another hoped for success in 2020 returns the Presidency to the Democrats. That’s leaving aside whether that supposed “Blue Wave” will materialize. And while it was pretty clear from the start as time progresses and the demands become more and more unreasonable any benefit of the doubt that this is based on real belief of wrongdoing and not simply cynically applied stalling tactics gets washed away.
The mantra, the “script” is that Kavanaugh is “credibly accused” so we need to hold things up while this is investigated. Everybody’s saying “credibly accused.” What part of this is in any way credible? Is it the part where Ford has had different conflicting versions of her story? Is it the part where every single one of the witnesses she named has said the events she described didn’t happen? Is it the part where she demands more and more onerous conditions before she’ll appear before Congress to testify? Which part was in any way “credible”?
One of the things demanded is an FBI Investigation. The FBI has already investigated Kavanaugh’s background six times and found nothing wrong. As for this particular allegation, what’s to investigate? At this late date, there’s no physical evidence to collect. There’s no security footage. All there is to possibly take evidence from is the statements from possible witnesses. And Congress already has that. None of them, not one, corroborates Ford’s story. Not. One. The only part of any investigation left is taking Ford’s own official statement–you know one where she could be charged if found to be lying to investigators (see the Martha Stewart case for how that works)–the one part that Ford is resisting making. Now, normally, taking the alleged victims statement would be the start of an investigation but we can go with it being the last part this time because it’s really all that’s left.
But wait, there’s more. Once it started looking like Ford’s incredible (as in “not credible”) accusation was losing traction another one comes out, this one even more outlandish and less credible. More stalling.
So, what’s next? What are they going to accuse Brett Kavanaugh of next?
I have some suggestions:
Brett Kavanaugh violently suppressed the Spartacus slave revolts (just ask Corey Booker since he claims to be Spartacus).
Brett Kavanaugh was the shooter on the grassy knoll.
Brett Kavanaugh shot the sheriff (investigate his claim that he did not shoot the deputy).
Brett Kavanaugh kidnapped the Lindbergh baby.
Brett Kavanaugh was the kidnapped Lindbergh baby.
Brett Kavanaugh betrayed West Point and framed Arnold for it.
Brett Kavanaugh opened fire on Fort Sumter.
Brett Kavanaugh caused the Apollo 13 fire.
Brett Kavanaugh rejected an Austrian artist’s application to art school.
Brett Kavanaugh started the Chicago Fire
Come on Dems. I came up with these off the top of my head. I’m sure you can be much more creative. Let’s see what you’ve got.
And then we’ll see what you’ve got in November.
17 thoughts on “Are You Serious?”
Awesome, but the nerd in me must say there was no fire in Apollo 13, although there was a tragic, fatal one in Apollo 1.
Not in the command module, no, but the explosion in the service module was caused by frayed insulation in an electrical fitting inside it that caught fire when activated causing the tank to rupture, the “bang” the astronauts heard, and the “bus B undervolt” that led to “Houston, we’ve had a problem.”
I knew a guy in high school named Syrios. He was always Syrios. Even when he was joking.
If anyone ever accused him, it would be a Syrios allegation. You know, the “Syrios-ness of the charge” is what’s important.
Whenever we went to pick him up at his house, we would say “let’s get Syrios”.
Ok – I am all out of puns.
Great column! One correction, though. The fire was on Apollo 1 which never left the ground. The problems on Apollo 13 resulted from a small explosion in a component but no fire.
As I said to the previous commenter, the explosion was due to a fire in the oxygen tank caused by a faulty electrical component causing the tank to “burst”.
— But wait, there’s more. —
KA-CHING! You owe Ron Popeil a nickel.
I hear the music, daylight disc
Three men in black said, “Don’t report this”
“Ascension, ” and that’s all they said
Sickness now, the hour’s dread
Heaven forfend anyone named Mame ever gets nominated. She’ll get ALL the blame!
This is not about evidence (which the story is remarkably free of). The latest salvo?
Her husband and friends say that she TOLD them – in 2013 – that she’s been in an assault in high school, and the perp was: either a judge, an important DC man, or Kavanaugh. Or, all 3. Depending on the declaration.
Note that these are DECLARATIONS. They may skirt the law on perjury, in part depending on the person that received them.
Still NOT evidence.
However, the real point of the Ford testimony – scratch that, make that emoting in public. Testimony would mean that she swore that it was the truth, which she is NOT willing to do. The point is to generate some pitiful pictures of her crying ‘bravely’ in public, as she destroys a man’s life. That’s the video they hope to get (I do hope that they close this hearing to cameras).
It’s the BWAVE WOMAN facing the Evil Nerd, tearfully sliding past the holes in her story, and being ‘overcome’ whenever the questioning gets too hard (or as we like to call it, close to the actual truth).
Can’t wait to see it – will she dab a tear-generating hanky near her eyes, before releasing the waterworks, or has she spent the time since her original accusation learning to cry on cue?
A little bit of menthol in the corner of her hankie as she wipes it across her lower lid will take care of that.
There is only one reason Ford’s lawyer insists that Senators, and not aides or assistants, question her.
To collect sound bites to be used against Republicans during their reelection campaigns.
Don’t forget he is a Nazi sympathizer!
My best friend’s sister’s boyfriend’s brother’s girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who’s going with a girl who saw Brett pass out at 31 Flavors last night. I guess it’s pretty serious.
This series of accusations, each more lurid than the last will finally end with a victim who is sure Kavanaugh flew in on a broomstick and presided over a Satanic ritual that ended in the victim being forced to eat an sacrificed infant. This is lurid, but in the 1990’s people were tried and convicted for child abuse and some of the children’s testimony included stories like the above. It wasn’t until Dr. Loftus at the University of Washington, who has done research into false and “recovered” memories, explained her research and dismantled the lurid stories – and the prosecutors’ cases. People were convicted and spent time in prison on those stories, so it wasn’t at all funny. I wonder what she would have to say about these stories.
Here’s a handy tip: Nobody who mentions “three accusations” or in any other way indicates that they believe Julie Swetnick’s accusations—and I particularly mean certain Democrat senators—ought to be taken seriously when they claim to believe Dr Ford. They demonstrate themselves to be either credulous conspiracy theorists or cynical partisan hacks.
I have noticed that such people also get amusingly angry at this reasoning, particularly if one mentions Pizzagate as a comparison.