I’ve been thinking a bit about growing older and…well, one of the things that came to mind is this song that was one of my favorites when I was…much younger:
It came to mind and I looked it up (thus the link there) and…it resonates to a certain effect.
I have seen a lot of sunshine. I have slept out in the rain. And I’ve spent more than a time or two all on my own. And, oh, have I had myself some friends.
However, much of it is…difficult. Looking back, well, no, it hasn’t been “a good life all-in-all.” It’s been one of frustration and a lifetime struggle with depression. And loneliness, soul-crushing loneliness for most of my life.
There is no “my old lady”. (Thought, hoped, there might be for a while but…that didn’t work out.) While I have a few good friends, they are generally scattered to the four corners of the earth. So rare is the opportunity to “sit around the fire and watch the evening tire.”
The days, they do pass quickly now. And while I don’t exactly smile, the idea of growing old doesn’t bother my like it once did. And, yes, there are still many things to do. Some of the things I’ve wanted to do since childhood will almost certainly never happen. No, I’m not going to get a chance to dance across the mountains on the moon (dammit). But I might sail away. The local reservoir gives sailing lessons and “away” might be out from shore a bit and around the lake, but, you know, I don’t have to brave the open ocean to get pleasure in sailing.
I did raise a family, if a small one. That little girl (she’s sixteen, but as most parents will know, she’ll always be my little girl) is perhaps the one thing that makes it all worthwhile. That, right there, is key, the one thing that overshadows everything else. And while I’d dearly love to have more, and I do think I have it in me to raise another child, it takes two, ya know and…here we are.
Still, there’s much to do that I never even dreamed of when I was younger. It’s been just under two years since I started ice skating seriously. (See my “Goth on Ice” posts.) Recently, I started watching videos of the 2019 world championships on YouTube and that got me curious. I looked at adult competition and found that “free skate” is divided into several age brackets. I would be in “Class IV, 56-65”. So I looked for that and there was this guy:
And this lady:
I can’t do everything those folk did there…yet…but I do not think it’s out of reach. Perhaps I’ll never be a significant competitor even in my own age bracket. Or perhaps with training and dedication, I can. None of the techniques either of those skaters did look impossible for me to learn, even with my own aging body.
And so I have a new goal, another thing my mind has never known.